Every once and a while in life something huge happens, like a flash flood. When the waters subside, it’s strangely calm and you get a moment to think about what just happened.
I already gave you some of the details of what actually happened. That was the flash flood of life happening. It happens too fast to really savor it. People always say that you need to take some time and smell the roses. But sometimes you can’t. The floodwaters carried you away too fast.
That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy it. Emma Grace Durso entering the world was one of the greatest moments of overwhelming happiness I’ve ever experienced. It just goes to show that the times of highest joy are also the times you are completely lost in something else. Elation happens when self-reflection isn’t happening. So the joy was overwhelming. I can remember moments within the moment. And being so overwhelmed that laughter and tears were came unbidden. The flood of emotion carried me away.
All that to say that the moment is just that– a moment. It’s here; it’s gone.
So after Emma got all cleaned up and the doctor situated Ashley in the recovery room I had to go home. And then the reflection came. I stopped to smell the roses.
I sat in my car in the parking lot of our apartment. It was perfectly quiet. Exhausted beyond measure, hunger hit me like a tornado– I hadn’t eaten in a long time. Thankfully, Uncle Jack and Aunt Jan had bought some McDonalds, and since I hadn’t gotten the chance to eat I unwrapped a past-midnight snack.
And there I sat, eating my long-cold McDonalds cheeseburger at three in the morning. Thinking.
That took a long time.
Oh man, that part right before the epidural. That was awful.
My life is never going to be the same.
I hope Ashley is able to sleep tonight.
I’m so thankful for a good family.
Ashley is tough.
Emma is beautiful.
I need to get to sleep.